At a time most crucial to our society it is apparent we must use our heads not our hearts alone. Covid-19 shifted the commonality of life into a frenzy and with it took over 240,000 lives. Lives important to a mother, father sister, brother cousin aunts uncles and best friends. We know the reasons now we have to cope with how to go on. 

When given a simple remedy, something so easy and inexpensive why do we hesitate. Can we blame it on human nature. Not really because in the age of higher learning and technology basic strutures of information funnels capably and immediate through every executed venue to billions every day.  Why is the request to wear a mask so difficult. Does it mess with your imaginary friend whose fight for survival almost puts its host out of existence because the quite simply its overly antiquated. If people don't get by now that wearing a mask, social distancing and reducing the number of guests at a function saves lives then maybe we should have a video made like when we were back in school for you baby boomers, remember that? The don't drin and drive videos where mangles bloody bodies were filmed as EMT's arrived knowing full well there were no lives to save. 

I think about the parents of those accident victims to this day. How traumatic it is to have that image in their heads, having to identify young ones no longer entitled to a life of possibilities. Not being able to pass the baton of life to offspring. What will it take to understand the benefits of a single piece of cloth with strings in making the difference between life or life in the ICU. Where babies suckk in tiny pinches of air because someone decided to attend a large wedding celebration or it didn't matter going to a crowded park unmasked to enjoy "fresh" air. Or the sheer biligerance in deciding it is a right not to wear a mask just because. My hope is that whoever reads this never gets sick. While some states mandate mask wearing most do not. But if this is the difference between life or suffering through an avoidable disease why wouldn't you choose the mask. 

Simple. Common. Sense. Unless you are a martyr for sickness and death is appealing. Most of us fight everday in this problematic world because death is not normal and no one really wants to die.  We have the right to live. We have the right to want a good life and to perpetuate the means to keep that life going consistently as imperfect as we are life still works. We get up have our coffee turn on the devices of the day and take a breath. Maybe we take it for granted the ability of breathing in and out without assistance. Living in a bubble of me first or its my right has gotten out of hand. It's time folks. It's time to remember when the simple of things like stopping at a red light made sense. When it was common place to obey the law and when asked, to wear a mask. It's not hard but it is logical when you stop being offended about your rights being revoked. It bit much for an anecdote sparing your loved ones and friends from being carried into a truck after the ravages of a virus many could avoid.

Wear a mask.
Follow six feet distancing.
Wash your hands.

What you do in this regard may save your life and the lives of others. Instead of allowing ourselves to be victimized by a virus, falling prey to the guise of rights being violated does not make sense. Do the right thing. You may not get sick today but you might tomorrow. Why take the chance.

It's not about rights. It is about what is right.



Simple. Common. Sense.

Until next time.

In a time when most are laser focused on some pretty heavy hitting concerns like Covid and race relations we need to take a well deserved break. cooking may not be the automatic go to but hear me out. Recently I had an opportunity after a bout with asthma. Time for reflection and an awesome awakening. Take time to do the things you want to do. Sound simple? Yes and no. We all tend to get into the rut f the day even the updated Covid schedule of home schooling, online grocery shopping whether curbside or home delivery, working from home and on and on. Still there are the normal house duties like laundry and cleaning the house which can have a 3-D view as you spend more time at home.

While recovering I reminisced as a neighbor had the smells of chili wafting through my backyard. It too me back. Back to when my mom would cut up fresh onions, garlic and tomatoes. Hearing the sizzle and anticipating the outcome of whatever it was she was cooking. Often those three ingredients, what she called the symphony were always the makings of something great. No matter what was happening aroud us when we gathered to sit at the family table for a meal it was truly special. Find that moment for yourself. Eating for one can be just as pleasurable as eating with a group. At times I prefer it to think wiwthout saying a word. A moment to just breathe.

However this little message finds you today please know you can overcome anything. Take the time to break read a good book,call a friend or break bread. You deserve it.

​Until next time~

Toilet paper is on high alert as if people are making bunkers out of it. Stores normally stocked for weeks are on a back fill causing stores to restock at an alarming rate. I must have missed the memo on creating in-home storerooms. The logic is incoherent and mental logstics are off. On one hand people are hearing the news and alerts but segmenting action plans based on peer pressure greed or selfishness. Older ones and those unable to get out rely on the same items being hoarded across the country. Don't get me wrong a very real need does exist but the onslaught of Coronovirus didn't exactly spark an initiative of humans using toilet paper and other staples but yet again just like the 9/11 crisis and the 2011 ice storms that criplled the eastern part of the country we are  tested souls over mortality gas and food, showing up our human failings.

Unless your business is in need of paper goods by the hundreds stop the hoarding. A family on a weekly will not use, barring special needs, a case of toilet tissue in a week's time. If you are please let me know about it. There are others in need and greed makes it difficult to assess purposeful demand. Hand sanitizerer albeit important is not the end all be all of cleanliness but while we are on the subject, was the person who felt it necesssary to stock pile like there was no tomorrow, having a human moment. Maybe the idea was to gather and then distribute all that santizer like Oprah's back in the day "you get a car and you get a car" notion. Probably not though. If you think this is positive reinforcement for this generation who to a large extent think they are entititled you're doing a bang up job. We are teaching our children nothing more than the me self indulgent life style with every roll we pack up. A young boy age thirteen in the UK had what he thought was an ingenious idea. Selling squirts of hand sanitizer for 50 pence, around .65 U.S. He made roughly eleven dollars before getting busted by the teacher. Cute, said no one ever.

While standing in a Target yesterday a stock person with a small pallet whizzed by myself and a deaf client with me stopping at an end cap. Little did we know despite seeing numerous media hype that we were in for a royal treat. As innocent bystanders we saw first hand the unleashing of the paper goods frenzy. Despite friendlly reminders above the shelf in bold print stating the stock was limited to certain quantities a line formed and upon opening the first box a bum rush ensued. My stunned shopping companion who is totally deaf started frantically signing that they didn't understand what was going on. Catching the attention of those awaiting the new stock gave me a soft segway. I kindly asked the group if they understood what they were signing and how this was affecting them. I signed and verbalized on how the person with me was confused and expressed they only wanted a pack of toilet tissue and wipes both of which were being shared with a family member so others might have a chance on quantities. For one brief moment I think they got it., they truly got it. I let them know it was not right to reach over someone else who was clearly in line and asked them to please be more aware of their actions. Allowing kindness be the intent not wantonly knocking someone in the head to get the last paper towel. A woman approached me after and thanked me for my candor and she knew a little sign language because one of her best friends is an interpreter. A couple of people even greeted us as we exitied and one person expressed interest in sign language.  Another pleasant discussion started which I may share another time. Another fantastic thing happened before we left the store, the stock manager made sure we left with everything we came for, minus hand sanitizer though.

Folks, I say all this not for accolades, don't need them. And if after reading this you decide you are not going to think of others and your winning attitude is to snatch and grab at a time when being considerate should be the mitigating factor, hey, you can't win them all and there are more iportant things besides paper. People in human services such as teachers, restaurants, bars, and small business owners all over this country just got the shock of maybe their entire life. Family owned or franchised made it their business to serve the public. Through blood sweat and tears put the bread on the tables of just about all living and breathing today. They sacrificed by working long hours and did things behind the scenes you may never know about. Teachers spending beyond their miniscule salary to help your child. Yes, for now there is the painful struggle of when this trial will end but how we survive it takes endurance Like the stock person yesterday who works hard and does not deserve to be direspected on the grounds of a 1000 sheets. A reemerging enemy an egoistic mentality if you will has creared its ugly head and like  in times past a majority will come together for a  bit of Kumbaya and once the threat is over old habits just as bad as using the bathroom without washing your hands will once again be the norm, whatever that is.

Another thought occurred to me and so began the quest for answers. As the TP conundrum goes on has anyone contemplated disaster preparedness with a purpose. Meaning do you have an emergency kit or backpack, something more tangible, an emergency escape plan. Here are a few ideas:

Backpack
Dried fruit
​Nuts
Meal Kits/Tuna pouches or dried meats
Water Packs
Medication
Radio with Plug/Battery capabilities
Flashlight
Durable change of clothes
Foldable Raincoat
First Aid Kit

Remember to check dates on all goods being purchased for emergency kit.

Build a strategic family plan the way you plan for fire drills. Where and how to reunite and training your children who emergency contacts are and if they have cell phones syncronize on all your devices. If 911 in not an option, what then.  Instead of the dismissive notion this could never happen to you think of a real plan for your family.

Practicing good common sense is the responsibility of each one of us as well as a moral compass. Treat others with dignity. The person you take from today could be the one who isn't working right now and all they wanted was a piece of normal in their world. Could be the only interaction they encounter if they are alone, not working and no family, feeling low, etc. 

On to hand sanitizer, some states are aligning similiar ideas to New York where they are making their own. Sounds reasonable especially for the workplace. Be mindful, washing your hands is not a trend and is still the best method as everyone in the health industry has stated a thousand times already. Follow steps to keep yourself healthy and clean:

1. Washing hands for 20 seconds - many sites  like Youtube and television spots show  a variety of methods.
2. Elbow bump has migrated to foot tap to not touching at all-three foot rule.
3. Do not touch your face-hard habit to break when you have an itch, you scratch or rub the eyes but please don't do it.
4. Stay 3 feet apart-reduces exposure risk through speaking and reminder of not to touch other person. 
5. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! If you are sick please please please STAYHOME! Don't be a hero. No one wins in the germ spread. Especially those with preexisting medical issues.

All the grocery shopping sets you up for weight gain too. In taking a brief survey of men women with or without children, mostly men said they eat significantly more food during the day as work from homers. One male in particular said he has increased his eating habits to atleast 10 times a day -astonishing! Women said they were more multitasking as household tasks seemed all consuming. Disciplining seemed to be split along with ability to actually getting work projects completed and meeting deadlines were on the lower range on the initial time away from the office. Mixed feelings on work home progress. The eating made me pause. With empty store shelves someone is eating and often. Create boundaries or you the line to the doctors office will be for heart disease and diabetes.

As a person spending a few hours a week as a writer the pet peeve is the over saturation of Covid-19. Understandably awareness is key and no one is diminishing the severity. However, there is nothing I've seen in the last week besides additional school and business closures and a few tips reiterating the obvious that would make me stay glued to every station talking about Coronvirus. Media is constantly trying to hold your attention.  We need to me informed yet showing hardest hit every single time without balance of those surviving, giving more tips and maybe sharing why certain areas seeme to have a higher concentration might be good. Feeding fear isn't working it adds frenzy and hysteria, prompting emotional shopping insted of executing critical thinking. Again, accurate information is wonderful, over doing it can run the risk of becoming individuals becooming desensitized..

​Now is the time for self evaluation and reflection. So if you are infact practicing what you preach and you haven't tweaked it, it may be time to change your sermon.

​Until next time~

Not without summer goals. Follow these tips to avoiding the Fall burnout.

​Stay relevant by being active in your community. Your normal passion may be the beach at dawn's early but volunteer through a local business chamber. Grocery store information boards are a good asset in that they offer area offerings and needs.

​Take the laptop on vacation only if you promise these 3 things:

​Family first or single-self fun by settling in and going out for planned, rendezvous dinner or adventure.

​Allow minimal daily media contact if ongoing project needs immediate attention plan on getting someone as replacement while you are away.

​Never, ever wantonly lead business associates or clients to feel as if they can contact you at will while away.

​On another note, your family or fellow vacayers shouldn't see you on the phone or laptop constantly. This is a time to refresh and get reacquainted with those you hold most dear and in some cases rarely see unless you set aside the time, like now.

​Short and sweet. Now GO! Make the moments you share with loved ones count for more than time.

​Until next time~

​Outlining successful business means knowing your product and how to sell it. But you must think beyond the sales pitch to achieve sustainable business. Folks need to understand the anatomy of the next day. A requirement of the next sale is largely due to what happens before leaving the house.

Boost Self-Confidence. A sure way to gain an audience and increase the number of participants engaging in your business is by being aware of self-awareness triggers derailing your confidence in performing tasks, attracting the right type of staffing candidates and knowing what works for you long and short term. If you are easily pressured into making decisions on smaller tasks as supply purchases you will eventually fail when demands increase. No reason to pivot if something doesn't sound right, simply say no or you need time to think about it. Mental notes warrant action otherwise you are doomed to be a daydreamer without a plan.

Equating low income with failure is a myth. Quantify attributes on a regular basis. Stop allowing others' competitiveness to squelch your good motives. List reasons you initially started a business. Refresh your working tools with a class or updated training. Drowning in despair over failed attempts is not a normal routine and can cause a downward spiral. Take a lesson from it and build new business and social ques.  

Synergy of mind and mouth essentially gives you double leverage. However, you can't always do what the heart wants and a clear balanced mind gives greater odds in your favor of saying or doing something positive or regrettable. Develop a mental sense of correctness to enhance business and personal life decisions. Identify the relationship between working and building a career path. Every year there are business failure compilations and one of the top list of fails are lack of understanding what it took to start the business.

Not having proper metrics aligning real time business sustainability and lack of funds to make payroll or staffing needs is out of bounds. Another mind blowing reason was not being aware of the type of business one wanted to start. Many a person thought it was a good idea to create a hair goods, chicken and waffle, green house, building tiny homes type website on the premise of more is better. Not only confusing but traveled beyond ridiculous.

Whenever I'm approached about multiple ventures the answer is a resounding no. The person is grasping at straws trying to see if any ideas will stick. Know what your business is and build creative time-conscious businesses one at a time. Trust me one will be enough. Growth margins are measured on vested time and research. Get quick schemes are failures of energy, money and mental resources.

If you want to work get a job but if you want a business have a plan, revenue resources to maintain your life through growing pains. Do not confuse business ideas with business planning. Ideas can become goals only if you move forward with targeted pristine motion.

Career, job, business. Nothing wrong with any of them. The business at hand is knowing yourself first before you can add the layers.

​Until next time~

​To the many who know me personally or who reached out to me after reading this post elsewhere a few weeks ago, I thank you for the cards, flowers, condolences-I truly appreciate it. I wasn't ready to share this on my home turf but now I am. Love you Dad!


​A new year. Planning, dreaming of fresh possibilities. Checklists and chuck lists. Waistlines addressed with renewed vigor. Living. Interrupting the fervor are the roadblocks. Those little things you don't see interfering with life's onward and upward. For me the year begins with reconciling. Loving this life sometimes means pain. The loss of a loved one, my dad.

At a time when I thought for sure that we would finally reconnect, the hope dashed in a chance Facebook inquiry. Someone almost a year and a half ago reached out to me suggesting we may be related. In hindsight, oh how I wished I'd responded sooner instead of thinking this was another troll seeking to steal my information. Turns out my dad had been searching for me for quite some time and entrusted a cousin to find me. Time waits for no one.

After verifying I was in fact his daughter the family member asked how long it had been since I had spoken to him. Too many years to count was my response but I knew just how much time, 22 years, 6 months and 2 weeks.
The conversation quickly turned as I was asked to call the person because what needed to be said would not be told in a text. In a flash of information I now have cousins, aunts, uncles and other relatives part consoling, part a strange exuberance as some only knew me as the niece they once visited in New Jersey and now a grown woman. All a blur as the details emerged of my father, the 79 year old man, now dead from a massive heart attack.

I'd missed him by one week. More information clarified we'd missed each other by almost two weeks by the time I decided to address the inquiry. Through good days and bad what can be said is learn from you experiences and leave hurt feelings, time lost behind. You will age on regrets. This time of year brings about new resolutions. I never entertain the idea because life in its not so general sense is a living working progressive, going beyond any 365 spin cycle and deserves more attention than once granted it after the new year ice cream headache has passed.

Better it is to continue working for change. Be self aware of what makes you tick and what ticks you off. Instead of the Instagram Best 9, nothing wrong with it, but try leveling what you want to see as working goals in progress. The pain of my dad passing offers good and bad moments but when I think of where I am in this time of my life, all I can feel is grateful, sad but very grateful.

I could wallow in regret of the what if's or I can remember the times as a child when my dad, who was a fabulous chef would rise early on a Saturday morning, fresh fish and potatoes in hand. Whipping up the best fish and chips of my life and before long neighbors were detouring to our home where they knew the true meaning of open door policy. Delish, crispy cod, flounder and bass. Potatoes dipped lovingly into a hot oil bath emerging golden brown to waiting, hungry grateful souls. Missing the experience especially now because I'm allergic to fish and I miss my dad.

Eternally grateful for parents who actually loved people and chose professions accommodating their dreams of seeing happy humans thrive and connect. Fonder memories of my dad taking me fishing and on occasion my sister would be brought along too. Touching fish with my tiny fingers as they kicked around in a huge bucket, seeing a satisfied grin on dad's face whenever the catch was going well. Putting me on his shoulder, grabbing his neck to steady the lopsided shoulder hold as my legs joyfully wiggled. I remember.

​What are my suggestions for a new 12 months? 22-6-2. Nope.

Its simple really. 5 simple ingredients: Learn, grow, change, reflect, repeat. With a dash of humility, kindness, respect, love and forgiveness. Making these our daily workout instead of an over used mantra of quick changes failing in most cases within weeks, we'd be happier, healthier and wiser.

​Until next time~

Trying to meet multiple deadlines can be upstaged by emergencies and normal interruptions of the day. It used to be that trying to accomplish ten things at once was adversely accepted as the new norm. Over time it became abundantly clear the methods we relied on to make this happen created an epic fail. Some studies concluded it was best to finish one maybe two tasks if they met a common goal such as phone calls and email responses. One of the issue with this logic is if you are talking with someone and you start overlapping the conversation into an email for let's say another competing client the send button is ot your friends, neither was the two for one special now causing apologies. Mispellings and dicombulated thoughts insue.

While the ego requires a gentle stroking the mind needs time to process thought to action patterns. Well thought out ideas must be complete before movement. There are a host of things we can do at the same time if you want to call it multi-tasking, such as preparing breakfast as you're on the phone, folding clothes and watching t.v. Yes it's obvious many corporations and small offices around the globe tend to push getting more than one thing at a time done but usually this results in minor mistakes which can take a serious turn depending on the importance of the assignment. 

Prioritize your day by importance and amount of time to accomplish the task. Reduce the habit of mass emailing when super busy because varying responses unless leading to the same conclusion may result in your main point being lost. More have opted to use Whatsapp in getting to there objective. Reaching within seconds someone needing to return to the office or last minute supply pick ups avoiding the hiccups in your day.

Calculate the expending of time. A two hour project can have the enormity of a month long effort if detailed information across time zones is at stake. If on the East coast and the deadlines are West coast driven you may have some time, however if the research is located in the West coast you are now working soley on their time frames for completion. Regarding time zones you must use courtesy over comfort. Early morning for you may be wee hours for your client or late night which is not a good thing despite the notion of it making you appear attentive.

Keep a positive energy space. Clients not accomodating to your way of doing things may cause a cramp in the style of chaos you try avoiding. The good thing is you can always retweek your agenda to maintain your flow. Know your limiitations so you don't crash at every unscheduled exit ramp and remember falling doesn't mean failing as long as you get up.

​Until next time~

Recently I had the privilege of speaking with a group of women on the topic of speaking your truth. It seems to be a gray area at the moment because everyone has a story and wants it told their way which is fine. Blurred are the lines when the heart takes over and reduces what we know the truth to be. Letting the mind adopt faulty reasoning and lies corrupt the mind into accepting everything as truth which is a mentally dangerous place, giving latitude for openness otherwise seen as wrong. Injustices are bad enough without adding more mystery to it. Telling the truth seems to be left at the discretion of the story teller and can alter fates in a heartbeat.

Speaking your truth does not give anyone the right to create a truth to be accepted by whomever is trending. You don't have to think just read and the dialogue should ring true. What if it doesn't. Do we go along blindly allowing havoc and heartache. Maybe its time to reexamine what truth really is and what its not.

For one, truth is closely associated with honesty and integrity. An honest person will not only seek what the correctness of a situation is, they will also check for accuracy to maintain integrity of what has been spoken or written about. In other words they want to be certain of the facts as more than valid, they need to be right not shady-plain and simple. Society today passes on truth as a notion, something time consuming for the most part unless it impacts a person directly otherwise they opt for an air of accuracy so mas to make money. Some in it for personal gain want sympathy and popularity. The circle you build goes out of control as one lie has to enlist the aid of another and so on. When does it end?

Whatever life's battle leading you to a course of lying no matter the effectiveness will only catch up to you in the long run. Your words mean more than you could imagine and telling the truth instead of just speaking a truth will land you in a better place. Be mindful of easily assimilated catch phrases as many are formed to numb your sensory of rightness. You have a responsibility to yourself to carefully distinguish right and wrong, truth and falsehood. Choose wisely.

Until next time~

​Sexual abuse and assault is not ok on any level and the atmospheric cultures allowing such behaviors are now on notice. Men, women and children hiding devastating shame and secrets trace back before the first century. The past dictated victims relegated to keeping mouths shut and eyes forward until the next inevitable tap on the shoulder or butt. In many cultures this mindset lives loud and proud apparently demanding recognition as status quo.

​The crisis facing the human condition is wavering under trends of acceptable conduct. Morals are debatable and largely peer driven. Friends not wanting any trouble keep secret codes of silence. Prominence and popularity cause fears of reprisal and accusers assuming they will be ostracized remain tight lipped. Unwanted and unwarranted contact is violating and painful. Especially painful is the assault when someone familiar to you has forcibly interrupted trust codes. Quiet apologies on a crime screaming for justice as innumerable women and men worldwide refuse to be dismissed as nothing as this once invisible epidemic grows. The memories and nightmares go deep and hopefully can begin in some cases a lifetime of scarring can begin the healing. There is no time limit. Memories run deep and long. I will share some of my experiences.

While attending junior high school I encountered a young boy popular and well-liked. His fame as it were had followed him from grade school because he was touted as having great potential as an up and coming athlete. As most his age there was an air of misplaced superiority. Many girls of our class jumped at the chance to date him with the cache of gaining more friends and a new improved status.

Never crossed my mind to be considered and steered clear of him altogether. After a pep rally we had an early dismissal and as usual I headed to my locker dropping off books and making my usual beeline to the library before it closed. As I began opening my locker I felt what I thought was a friendly but oddly firm hug. My knee-jerk reaction was to shrug the person off since I was not in the habit of wantonly hugging people at school. Within seconds I realized the grip was unrelenting. Looking from right to left hoping for another human hanging around, of course the hallways were cleared.

I offered conversation and voice of reason as he had me from behind. He thought my resistance was ridiculous. He demanded a kiss which I wholly refused. His grip tightened. He miscalculated my reaction. Thankfully I had my combination lock in hand I wiggled lifted my hand and struck him in self-defense.

I will never forget the sound of metal clanking against his head. He dropped to the floor in agony and called me every name he could. I remember his face as I stood hand raised to strike him again if need be and he got up and backed up. His expression was of fear and disbelief. I never said another word to him but stood my ground. Two things never happened again, he never turned his back on me and more importantly never ever tried touching me again. Whomever he may have encountered after that he carried the mark of resistance on his forehead for years after.

I told my mother immediately and for those who knew my mother the matter was swiftly dealt with as she did not play, instilling in us long before the phrase of see something say something to speak up. Another incident happened when I began working in the retail industry. An assistant manager feeling his oats one day decided I was not listening the way he wanted me to. Mind you I am in my late 20’s at this point. He walks over grabbing me under my upper arm which really hurt and practically drags me to an end cap he wanted me to fix. In my head in that moment I was shocked, surprised, terrified and angry as I had been previously. 

It was an honest mistake on my part for not hearing him as it was a busy time of year and the store bustled with shoppers and deals but there were are no excuses for this behavior. The point is neither of the individuals had a right to ever put one finger on me. Needless to say he had to buy a new pair of glasses and shirt that day. I reported the matter and he was written up. Alas, only written up. He documented the incident as an accident. My store manager was aware of the situation but did not get involved. I did stay another five years gaining multiple well deserved promotions. However, the incident needed addressing. Nothing preventative happened here except again a woman had to defend herself.

Interestingly enough a few years after I left the assistant manager was finally fired for misconduct. Whatever led to the final straw is not important what is, is the fact that physical and sexual abuse is wrong. Being put in the position to defend oneself is insane. Not everyone has the same countenance under pressure and I get it. You do not have to hide either or bury your head in the sand. You do need to educate yourself on preventative measures and dealing with the wake of an assault. Dealing with the very real aftermath of mental trauma long after the scars have healed. Awareness is a major start in understanding your reality of safety regarding your person.

Avoid being alone in a common area because it can give a false sense of security. Make your stand known. In today’s climate human trafficking is real and prevalent. Predators lurk in parked cars, hanging around malls while you shop unsuspectingly observing your behavior. In some cases they revisit the same spots in different cars and change their appearance to enhance opportunity and determine the most ideal time to strike undetected. Some go beyond as serial assaulters and blend into crowds, gaining trust with pleasant dialogue, frequenting favorite coffee houses and retailers they see an interested party migrating to.

​Be aware of your surroundings and if it seems like too much to handle or think about just imagine having to figure out how you will get out of alive after being bound and thrown into the back of a vehicle. There may not be a second chance to change perspective. Women most often make excuses as to why something turns sideways. Over analyzing and mentally blaming yourself is not a plan of action but another crippling portal into creating negativity and self-doubt.

​One woman reached out to let me know of a potential danger not new but should be revisited. A couple, man and woman took turns arriving in an SUV as if attempting to pick up children. They were always the last to leave the pickup area and went undetected for weeks. Both eased into conversation during a major holiday when some can let their guard down. Soon the couple started bringing coffee and sharing frustration at having to wait for kids seemingly never exiting school on time.

Here is what really blew my mind. Schools have lists of who can visit to drop off forgotten items or visit a child and pick up which is standard. Something fell off the wagon. Schools have listings of those allowed to visit and or pick up children. Someone posing as a parent got on a list to pick kids up. The individual shows up and puts on an act of being a close friend of so and so. Upon trying to enter the vehicle the child noticed a knife under a rear seat and immediately knew to jump back out of the van. Guards were let down because it was the holidays.

​As an attempt to take off with the child the female driver unsuccessfully tried pulling on the little one’s backpack, the child leaped backwards leaving a sneaker in the wake of the would-be assaulter’s vehicle. Gratefully tragedy was averted and the parents and school collaborated, making integral security upgrades. In speaking with the parent I suggested they all take a course and have the school incorporate safety awareness courses throughout the year. Not an electronic email of preventative measures, often forgotten a real interactive meeting with more than a resolution.

Develop real life scenarios of prevention emphasizing risk, prevention and recovery efforts. Security is manifold and takes a team of students, parents and staff involved in understanding educational integration of safety first. Fire prevention and potential terrorism should be part of the conversation but the very wellbeing of our lives being met with real life conversation and action plans for all of our cultures whether home, school, work or recreation are paramount.

Parents and guardians themselves may not have been trained on life principles. Some may argue the moral compass is up to the eye of the beholder. Basic reasoning dictates developing qualifiers of right and wrong balancing guidance to stay on track. Inappropriate conversation, touching, gesturing and the like are wrong plain and simple but if you are not taught you do not know or feel it is important to learn and accept right and wrong but and instead view this as c concept. Our conscious is a Geiger counter leading us directionally depending on how it is trained or taught. It is also based on repetitious actions, reinforcement of right and wrong. Mental issues and other factors can undermine efforts to improve such behavior and there is help regarding those issues too and yes, it is a tough battle.

Assaults do not start at time of execution and the conversation must go deeper. Blame and hashtags all around raise awareness. Quick social media convictions, apologies and resignations are on the rise but nothing will actively change until the actions of those committing the crimes are mentally called to account. They can check into a local program or spa visit for treatment and be back on the street in a week.

Feelings and memories of neglect and abuse or abandonment can hide undetected and can remain dormant until a trigger brings back recollections which can lead to regrettable conduct. Succumbing to mind altering prescription drugs, alcohol and illegal drugs gives a temporary stay along with incarceration but once released life’s learning curve is at their own risk. Being put in a position to defend against another human being is a rough ticket. Each of us has the ability to live, learn and act responsibly.

The elephant in the room has a name.

​Until next time~

Our minds go numb every time we hear of another tragedy. It makes the mind reel at how many casualties and thought process behind someone wishing to do harm to him or herself and others. It is at times like these we seem to rally and yet there is a haunting whisper of how do we prevent this from happening again.

Depression creeps in setting our emotions on fire and undermining wills to face another day. Homelessness and hopelessness are neighbors and hover like storm clouds. No joy in the prospects but the mental view can change if we take the time to recognize what is really going on here.

The mind has the ability to bounce back through tough times when you are at your wits end and no apparent end is in sight for all your troubles. The major link mentioned but not vocalized enough are the mental concerns a person faces when they are under deep anguish. When there appears to be no way out the mind's defense is to give up or go out swinging. Sinking deeper the mind can make us think there is no hope and the only way out is one final act.

Does the mind instantly go to violence or are there other preventatives? I had the opportunity to speak with a few folks who were kind enough to let me into their world for a few moments. Fearing the unknown, not wanting to live trapped in their own minds and seeking help was a sadly palpable mixed bag of reality that can serve as hope as each of these men and women I spoke to say they do want to live.

Some responses are graphic names withheld for their privacy and respect.

 "Honestly I wanted to take my head and smash it against a wall until it burst open. I don't care about the pain 'cause the pain inside is worse and I don't care anymore. Bad days, good days, some days I don't know but I'm still here I guess. I had a good lunch yesterday."
 
"I was sitting in a chair one day and things got to me so bad - I started cutting my wrist and before I knew what happened my hand was hanging back and it wasn't until my mom came in screaming did I know how bad it was. I'm still sad, real sad, but I ain't gonna cut myself this week."
 
"Tried killing myself three times and each time I suffered broken limbs. Last time I lost two toes and now I'm blind in one eye. Pushed some guy for no good reason out of a grocery line and I'm not sure what will happen tomorrow. I don't wanna die but I don't know how to live either."
 
"I had a good day today but I watched the news and now I'm mad again. I sleep all day and wake up mad again and I don't know why."
 
"I got fired from my job two years ago and had and idea to go blow up the place but then what would I do, maybe if there is a next time I won't care but my family will be sad, guess I would be sad too. No one should live like this."

"We saw her slipping away from us but we stayed away hoping she would just get better."

"I got my husband into a program but after two days he stopped going. Said no one wanted to listen to him. He had that problem growing up, no one would take the time to sit and listen. Instead everybody tried telling him what to do as if there was an instant magic people. It doesn't work that way and I am doing all I can to be by his side. Marriage is better or worse. Our rough patch is terrible some days but I love him and he still says I love you to me. Means something you know?"

Real emotion, real feelings, real people. All agree they needed something to stabilize them, whether professional help, medication or both. You can't just tell someone who is having a bad life to get over it and you can't predetermine who will strike and when. Nor can you ignore the facts which are mental illness is not only relevant but prevalent in our society. Chemical imbalance or learned behavior running free is not the answer because unchecked leads to catastrophe. We also cannot discount overall circumstantial depression from a barrage of circumstances. Environmental behavior is learned. Babies do not come out of the womb wielding machetes and machine guns. The seed is planted whether their actions are ignored and left unchecked becomes the issue of the masses when someone sprays a barrage of bullets over a crowd or sets fires to act out the anger.

Another sobering fact is for some even with medication and support they fight every minute of every day. The one size fits most routine for categorizing mental illness is not helping anyone so don't fool yourself. It sweeps under the rug the anguish and grief seeing loved ones spiraling out of control and feeling the walls getting smaller around them unleashing mental into physical violence and self-affliction. Mental anger and resentment often presents itself as retaliation and calculated violence and wonton callousness as the mind turns blank or grey at a lack of being able to figure things out amicably.

Is that the real issue when illegal weapons of mass destruction can get into the hands of the highest most desperate of bidders? Or is it really a greater fear, one of not being able to control oneself and not knowing how to deal with what's going wrong within the mind. When something tragic happens the first response always seems to be the world is going crazy but isn't the world made up of people with real heartbeats, feelings and problems. We also tend to concentrate on the violent games and television programs as an outlet. The real lives of whatever validating moods and escalating conduct as normal and it throws away common sense and reason as if revenge is the desensitizing solution and will make the slate clean.

In none of these scenarios do these individuals seem happy after the behavior is carried out as the quick fix has alluded them. One simple reason: you can't fill a clean plate with garbage and expect a gourmet meal. Giving a broad eye view to the real issues of mental health can be disheartening and downright overwhelming but it can also embolden those who want to help with the many challenges associated with mental wellness. Those facing crisis are not instantly throwing up their hands in defeat and it takes grueling hard work to win the battle. Hours of news footage does not increase our awareness necessarily but it seems to inspire moods of change for a nugget of time.

Seek real life solutions:

• Learn about symptoms of mental issues and disorders
• Find a local mental health treatment center
• Share with a friend or family member what you are going through
• Don't allow flames to turn into uncontrollable forest fires. Talk about your feelings
• Learn how to help without scolding and lecturing
• Know the difference between feeling sad which can be situational verses being depressed which has long range emotion linked to it
• understand the problem before trying to solve it - deep depression is based largely in part on raw unhealed feelings

Recognize your own symptoms:

• Unusual sleeping habits not associated with long work shifts or physical exertion
• Social withdrawal
• Excessive fear and anxiety
• Dramatic change in eating habits
• Hard time dealing with everyday problems
• Emotions from high to low
• Suicidal thoughts

These are only a few symptoms please review your daily activity if you feel any number of these and do not feel ashamed to ask a friend or family member for help monitoring changes.

There is help and people who want to try and make your right now better.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Crisis Text Line: 741741 (Deaf and Hard of Hearing will greatly benefit from this)

National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National helpline: 1-800-622-HELP (4357)

The real question is, is it worth it to you to get involved and help the ones you love so that they know you are there for them. Do not forget yourself in the process or no one wins. Caregivers and other support can get weary at the prospect of trying to help with chronic issues. You think this will be a brief effort and find out there is a long haul. I see courage nearly every day. Privileged to witness change through challenge in working and volunteering alongside those in the Deaf community. One thing giving reflection is the positive reinforcing mantra the American School for the Deaf in West Hartford Connecticut uses and I absolutely love seeing it every time I visit the campus. It simply says 'All Ways Able'. We do have the ability for real change and living fulfilling lives. One hour, one minute at a time.

Today as I was in the middle of writing this article I ran into a woman who is having a real struggle securing work. Life has not exactly worked out as planned. Three hours a week is all she can seem to get and she runs between several agency offices trying to get paperwork signed just to qualify food stamps. She does not fit the social standard of poverty and bleakness, she was affluent. A Caucasian woman educated with a Bachelor's degree and she is struggling. It's not the typical statistic and the reality is she is fighting to stay positive refusing to give up. I applaud her.

A popular saying is you have to be in it to win it.

What is your role in it.

Until next time~