If it does turn out that we spend much of our adult lives outliving our childhood, I'd like to think that I have finally come into my own. No shock-it was flawed. A lost love so deep I wondered how I would, could, recover. Disappointing choices, career highs and lows, loss of many family members, those whom I grew up knowing, loving and hoping to have see me as the woman I am today. Internalizing all of the choices made in raising my sister after the death of our mother and needing to know she was going to be just fine or at least ok with such a great loss. And that I would be ok too.
As a child I never felt insulated but I did feel loved. My realism may have been a bit too real, as a lot of frustration came from actual realities failing to meet the expectations or dreams of a child who wanted to be happy and whole. Keeping it real came at a price that my adolescence paid for-dearly. Whether I had more fantasy going on than the next kid, who knows, but early on I had dreams that would have to wait on fulfillment. I was.
Maturity saw a wonderfully special kaleidoscope. I discovered that being me was more than good enough and that I didn't need permission to say I need, want, can or NO. A lot of the transition came in finding out which individuals were actual friends instead of labeling everyone the same. Differentiating the genuine smiles and the pasty-can't wait to get outta here smirks. Defining truth from lie. Dropping the notion that I needed to be married by a certain age or accomplishing all of my goals by a certain time. Believing that only when I had enough money I could start a business, live a better life or see dreams become reality. Age has lent itself as a kind counterpart. I finally figured out the goals needing single structure achievement or those taking time to crown. Challenging the triumphs instead of taking too long of an exhalation, realizing a hiccup can rob you of the accomplished breath you need to finish. I am.
It is enough to be me. It is enough to be liked and loved by those who choose to. It is enough to be satisfied with life as I see it, defined by me-and no one else. For the adult I am and continue aspiring to grow further still as...
I will be.
Until next time~
As a child I never felt insulated but I did feel loved. My realism may have been a bit too real, as a lot of frustration came from actual realities failing to meet the expectations or dreams of a child who wanted to be happy and whole. Keeping it real came at a price that my adolescence paid for-dearly. Whether I had more fantasy going on than the next kid, who knows, but early on I had dreams that would have to wait on fulfillment. I was.
Maturity saw a wonderfully special kaleidoscope. I discovered that being me was more than good enough and that I didn't need permission to say I need, want, can or NO. A lot of the transition came in finding out which individuals were actual friends instead of labeling everyone the same. Differentiating the genuine smiles and the pasty-can't wait to get outta here smirks. Defining truth from lie. Dropping the notion that I needed to be married by a certain age or accomplishing all of my goals by a certain time. Believing that only when I had enough money I could start a business, live a better life or see dreams become reality. Age has lent itself as a kind counterpart. I finally figured out the goals needing single structure achievement or those taking time to crown. Challenging the triumphs instead of taking too long of an exhalation, realizing a hiccup can rob you of the accomplished breath you need to finish. I am.
It is enough to be me. It is enough to be liked and loved by those who choose to. It is enough to be satisfied with life as I see it, defined by me-and no one else. For the adult I am and continue aspiring to grow further still as...
I will be.
Until next time~
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